WHY I GHOSTED WORDPRESS
It’s be a minute since I’ve logged into my WordPress & put fingers to keys. Partly because life got super real at the end of last year & partly because I felt muted by the events, which seemed to sap my motivation as well as my voice.
LIFE HAD ME FUCKED UP!
Without going into too much detail, my sister gave birth & lost her newborn to a congenital defect. Shortly after my mother was hospitalised & suffered an amputation & life had me all the way fucked up for a minute.
At the time of both events I felt so beside myself with worry, sadness & stress, that even the most mundane tasks seemed like mammoth tasks, & in that mind state I just couldn’t seem to write my way out. I guess there are different types of artists/writers; ones that thrive in chaos & when the sky turns upside-down, they are able to ground themselves to an instrument, a microphone, brush, keyboard or whatever canvas their art rests on. They’re able to just feel their way out. Then there are ones like myself who have to have a barrier of time to process.
Processing gives me a language in which to be descriptive in my pain, loss, confusion, obsessions, love & joy. The frustrating part of being the latter, is that I can’t seem to just navigate the pain & simultaneously express it in real time…or maybe I can, Im just super analytical & critical which can cause blockages. I am working on it, trying to be more mindful of just living in flow.
Anyway, so through the grief & trying to be strong for my sister, & trying to be Bob-the- damn-builder at the same time as being the primary care giver to mum once she left the hospital, something changed.
PEOPLE SHOW UP!
I got help with mum’s care & I started to really see my tribe galvanising together to help. Help my sister, my mother & also helping me. Family really came through cooking meals, coming round, best friends keeping my spirits up or allowing a safe space to just vent vent. The late night phone calls when my sister was unable to sleep & my business manager just being a real God send through this time. People show up!
That sense of “it takes a village” really washed over everyone & somewhere in that space I found my creative voice again. It was through the love I witnessed & personally felt, I could see everyone putting eachother together again & it’s been beautiful.
Don’t get me wrong, there were days of uncertainty, if the grief or the “I feel bummed out” feeling would leave but they do. I also know that there will be future days like this & thats ok too. It’s ok to just be in your feelings sometimes. They are what remind us we’re human.
Ive been traveling back & forth to Sweden for work & since my last trip, I got into a heavy bout of insomnia. Rather than dose myself up with Melatonin, I opted instead to burn some Palo santo & meditate & voilà, its started to do the trick.
I literally burn my Palo santo in the morning & before bed & it’s been a huge help to calming me & enabling me to get into the space in my mind to have dope meditations. I’ve been doing the Deepak Chopra & Oprah 21 day guided meditations, as I already was subscribed & a reminded would drop into my inbox every harrassing me to calm my mind. I finally gave in & it was magical!
Honestly im going to write about what meditation does for me, but in a nutshell, that was why I was ghosted wordpress.
You can find the link below (it’s not an ad or affiliate link)
If you legit feel stressed or anxious, try this, or any other guided meditation that can start you on the process. It’s been a life line for me & I hope it helps.
Feels good to blog again!
A x 💋