Time for change

Time for change

This blogging malarkey is a totally new area for me & one of the reasons I feared it, is being so open was because of  body image issues. I’ve always struggled with my weight, always up & down like a  yo-yo, but recently I’ve reached my biggest & quite frankly I hate it.


Me at my biggest at my birthday this year

I just grew tired of not living honestly or to my full potential because of my weight & the way I feared I’d be perceived because of it, & most importantly the way I perceive myself. One of the truest sayings is “accept what you can’t change, change what you can’t accept”.

Iam trying to now, but if I’m honest, I’ve been in denial & had Jedi mind tricked myself for a long time thinking I could carry off the extra pounds because I’m tall. It worked for a while but now its just ridiculous.

I no longer want to just ‘carry off’ anything & realise I deserve better for myself.

“accept what you can’t chang, change what you cant accept”


Me at 18, this was the album photo shoot I was told to loose weight  

How I put it on

As I said, weight was always a struggle for me & I never made peace with the origins of my struggle. It all began when I signed my deal at 18 & was a healthy UK size 10/12 (US size 6/8 & EU 38/40). I’m 6ft tall (1.83 m) so size 10/12 was pretty decent size. However I have always been top-heavy (it runs in the family).

The first time weight became an issue was when my record company mentioned that I could do with loosing a few pounds. In fact my the message was given by my stylist who mentioned it at a photo shoot after looking at the images of me in a low-cut top. (I don’t know what she expected as I couldn’t  cut my boobs off & am a singer not a model )….If that had been the case now I would have told them to F* off, however to a young & impressionable teenager, it was the worst thing in the world to essentially be called fat.

As a result I’ve pretty much been on diets my whole life, when it was never an issue before.

This is why I’m such an advocate of being kind, especially to little humans because words have the power to destroy parts of people, that a kick or punch can’t

I do take responsibility for poor eating habits, alcohol & years of Yo-yo dieting. Working in studios most days, means my  lifestyle can be sedentary, but exercising, eating schedules, & food choices are decisions I could have been better at making/doing.

My aim is to drop weight but mainly to get healthy. I’m hoping this blog will provide accountability…&  Im ready for it now.

If you have any tips & pointers please feel free to message me, or if you’re on your own journey & wanna be accountability buddies hit me up!……Here’s to changing what we  can’t accept!

Happy Construction

A x 💋

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  1. March 14, 2017 / 13:17

    Thanks for sharing your story. Personally I never had major issues with a body image. However, I do have bad eating habits which leave me with less energy and craving for food such as grabbing a dessert after each meal among others. I decided it was time to change not my diet, but nutrition. Because honestly diets don’t work. It’s been proven over and over again. Luckily, I stumbled upon this book in my bookstore, “Loving Yourself to Great Health: Thoughts and Nutrition”. I am still reading it but wow how it changed my perspective on what it means to be healthy within just a few pages! It all starts with loving yourself. And loving yourself means connecting with yourself and listening to your body, connecting with others, and connecting with nature. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

    • Ayak
      March 14, 2017 / 13:28

      Thank you so much stopping by & your message. I totally agree & will definitely check out that book out. I decided to go plant based in december for all the reasons you listed. Self care is truly the best healthcare x

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