Why I Ghosted WordPress

WHY I GHOSTED WORDPRESS

Hey there!

It’s be a minute since I’ve logged into my WordPress & put fingers to keys. Partly because life got super real at the end of last year & partly because I felt muted by the events, which seemed to sap my motivation as well as my voice.

LIFE HAD ME FUCKED UP!

Without going into too much detail, my sister gave birth & lost her newborn to a congenital defect. Shortly after my mother was hospitalised & suffered an amputation & life had me all the way fucked up for a minute.

At the time of both events I felt so beside myself with worry, sadness & stress, that even the most mundane tasks seemed like mammoth tasks, & in that mind state I just couldn’t seem to write my way out. I guess there are different types of artists/writers; ones that thrive in chaos & when the sky turns upside-down, they are able to ground themselves to an instrument, a microphone, brush, keyboard or whatever canvas their art rests on. They’re able to just feel their way out. Then there are ones like myself who have to have a barrier of time to process.

Processing gives me a language in which to be descriptive in my pain, loss, confusion, obsessions, love & joy. The frustrating part of being the latter, is that I can’t seem to just navigate the pain & simultaneously express it in real time…or maybe I can, Im just super analytical & critical which can cause blockages. I am working on it, trying to be more mindful of just living in flow.

Anyway, so through the grief & trying to be strong for my sister, & trying to be Bob-the- damn-builder at the same time as being the primary care giver to mum once she left the hospital, something changed.

PEOPLE SHOW UP!

I got help with mum’s care & I started to really see my tribe galvanising together to help. Help my sister, my mother & also helping me. Family really came through cooking meals, coming round, best friends keeping my spirits up or allowing a safe space to just vent vent. The late night phone calls when my sister was unable to sleep & my business manager just being a real God send through this time. People show up!

That sense of “it takes a village” really washed over everyone & somewhere in that space I found my creative voice again. It was through the love I witnessed & personally felt, I could see everyone putting eachother together again & it’s been beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong, there were days of uncertainty, if the grief or the “I feel bummed out” feeling would leave but they do. I also know that there will be future days like this & thats ok too. It’s ok to just be in your feelings sometimes. They are what remind us we’re human.

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MEDITATING

Ive been traveling back & forth to Sweden for work & since my last trip, I got into a heavy bout of insomnia. Rather than dose myself up with Melatonin, I  opted instead to burn some Palo santo & meditate & voilà, its started to do the trick.

I literally burn my Palo santo in the morning & before bed & it’s been a huge help to calming me & enabling me to get into the space in my mind to have dope meditations. I’ve been doing the Deepak Chopra & Oprah 21 day guided meditations, as I already was subscribed & a reminded would drop into my inbox every harrassing me to calm my mind. I finally gave in & it was magical!

Honestly im going to write about what meditation does for me, but in a nutshell, that was why I was ghosted wordpress.

You can find the link below (it’s not an ad or affiliate link)

Deepak Chopra & Oprah 21 day meditation

If you legit feel stressed or anxious, try this, or any other guided meditation that can start you on the process. It’s been a life line for me & I hope it helps.

Feels good to blog again!

Happy Construction

A x 💋

 

I’m Back/ Fenty beauty

Hi Guy’s

How have you been?

It’s been a while, I felt like I needed to just take a minute out to grieve & focus on some other endeavours.

That being said I posted my opinion on Rihanna’s much talked about Fenty Beauty line on my instagram (The Killawatt highlight) & was pursuaded to do a video which I uploaded on my youtube channel.

I was excited to see my review was included in unruly.com‘s article about how to pick for your skin tone. My colour is 480 the one before the darkest shade. So if you are interested in grabbing some but can’t make it to Harvey Nichols (in the UK) or Sephora (Stateside) The article might help you spot your complexion match.

Anyway, it’s good to be back, & please check out my review below!

Happy Construction

A x 💋

 

 

 

‘Patience’ By Hotsource Ft Ayak

Hi Guys,

First and formost I just wanted to thank you all for your words of encouragement & condolences. From me & my family, it is appreciated greatly.

So at the end of a week of very mixed emotions, I found out a song I wrote & vocal is out today on island records/Universal.

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Patience, available to stream & download today!

‘Patience’ is available to stream & download on all digital platforms.

I swear God send messages through my music, earlier this week persistence was the message & now it’s patience.

This is a deep house record by Hotsource  & has a special remix by Knoxa & got it’s first spins by Target & Mista Jam on BBC radio 1xtra.

 

Click to stream & download Patience

 

 

I hope you enjoy it & have a wonderful weekend!

Happy construction

A  x 💋

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We are Kintsukuroi

Hi guys,

It’s been a pretty intense week. My family & I experienced a death in the family & it’s been an emotional & reflective time to say the least.

I was having a conversation with a good friend, discussing moving forward from challenging times & through the conversation something became crystal to me.

WE ARE KINTSUKUROI!

what is Kintsukuroi?

Kintsukuroi is the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold.

It’s originates from eastern philosophy of Kinstugi (Kin= Golden stugi= Joinery). In the 15th Century the shogun of Japan Ashikaga Yoshimasa (whose mum was called Tomiko, shout out to reader Tomiko!) broke his favourite tea-pot. He sent it to China for repair, however it came back held together with staples & looked pretty busted & unaesthetically pleasing to the shogun. Japanese craftsmen were able to put the tea pot together again using lacquer mixed with the most expensive Gold.

With Kintsukuroi, no attempt is made to disguise the cracks, instead they are accentuated with this precious metal & made all the better by joining the broken pieces to make a beautiful whole.

METAPHOR FOR LIFE

This is such a dope metaphor for life; That the experiences that may break us, or situations that seperate us from ourselves, can be woven into our own beautiful testimonies. The broken pieces being the test. Life is the gold. Friends, family, experiences, passion, faith & persistance all help to create the lacquer with which we stitch together our masterpiece. Our flaws give us character, texture & dimension.

Whatever you are battling or working through, just know its ok to break sometimes. Perfection is neither interesting, nor possible. By overcoming, we really are alchemists transforming shituations (yes shit situations) to gold. We are Kintsukuroi.

Have a wonder day & don’t be afraid to drop a comment!

Happy Construction

A x 💋

SONG OF THE DAY:

 

BILLBOARD MAGAZINE PREMIERE

Morning All,

I hope you’ve had a restful & uplifting weekend, & are ready to tackle this new week.

I’ve had a lot going on personally so Friday, leading into the weekend came with much welcomed rest & reflection.

WHAT LAST WEEK TAUGHT ME

As you may know I write songs for a living & in the process of creating, you really get an understanding of oneself & new life lessons. Infact, last week taught me to never give up on a song, or anything I believe in for that matter!

This game comes with lots of rejection. Such as life, but what I’ve come to understand is that ‘No’ can often mean ‘not now’. Im a true believer of God’s timing being the best time. Just trust your instincts & keep it moving.

HOLD ON

Scan back to March, I posted about the release of a record I had co-written with Nano called ‘Hold on‘. After coming in second at Melodifest (The national swedish contest to be their Enrovision entrant) the song went to do really well in Sweden.

What if I told you that, one year earlier that very song had gotten rejected? What if I told you that some of those rejections were complete & utter silence….No “we are looking for something else, no “No thanks”, just straight air. It wasn’t even worth a reply….

Although that can be the nature of this business, rejection can still sting your sensitive  little heart at times. However the bigger lesson I got from the song was to hold on. You see sometimes when God is working on your behalf, you don’t always get a reply or a memo. You have to have faith that something better is on the horizon.

This song means a lot to me for that reason & has become somewhat of a mantra, & that anything done with conviction will eventually find the right audience & space in the world.

That being said, I’m super excited to say that Billboard Magazine premiered the video in an article on friday. The visuals capture the message of persistance & faith & also happened to be produced by Prince Michael Jackson. Please check out the video & let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Anyway, have an amazing week!

Happy construction

A x 💋